Left just after lunch from Cape Town to the Cederberg with my youngest son, Xane, and his friend. Whenever I get far into the dirt road, there is often the sense of being watched and accompanied and with it, there is a slight feeling of restriction. My reaction to this feeling was completely different this time. When it felt at its strongest, I stopped the car, got out and proceeded to chant and dance turning around and around. The kids thought I was quite mad, but felt confortable enough with it, to just laugh. For me, it was a liberating sensation. I was announcing that I was there, I was ME and I was glad for it. Definitely no feelings of restriction.
Arrived at the farm and as usual made my bed under the oak trees for the night. That evening as I lay on my back watching the stars, I asked the question, “Why is it, that I can feel you, but can’t see you? Why won’t you materialise?”
The answer came back loud and clear “We don’t have to. You already feel us. There is nothing we have to prove to you. We are right there in your heart. We reserve that for the ones who need to see.” And immediately after, there was this magnificent shooting star, in front of my eyes, right across the sky.
Maybe, I still need to see, after all.
The next day I was lying by the rock pool, staring into space, when I saw for the second time in my life (seen it before when I climbed Paarl Rock), what I call the Pattern of Life or the Creation of Life. Let me, describe them to you. They look like little comets, or little stars with a tail, or sperms. They kind of frolic around all the time, back and forth, not in circles, but in circular motions and patterns. There are thousands of them in a very small space, because as you focus into them, there is this depth that goes on and on. I must say that, besides the fact, that I was exhilarated at seeing them again, I became fascinated with the patterns created by them and their movement, I just kept on staring, until a group of them (that is the best words I have to describe it), started moving in unison, in a spiral like pattern, that had the widest part of the spiral closer to me. They were moving into the spiral and disappearing into a kind of black hole, except the colour was not black, but a shimmering light. I lay there, in this kind of hypnotic space, until the words “Follow me” popped into my consciousness. It was a definite invitation from them to join into the spiral towards the shimmering light. From somewhere inside of me, and I say it like that, because it was completely impulsive without a conscious decision, I answered “Come to me”. There was no further communication, but the beautiful patterns continued. It felt, as if there was a complete acceptance of my choice and whatever, whoever, will come to me.
Afterwards, on observing my own decision there was complete confort with it. The only way I can explain it is that I want the WHOLE of ME, to be a conscious part of this experience and that of course, includes this plane of existence. I saw them again on my last day, when we stopped on the way to swim at a river. There they were. When I watched them, there is this awareness that they so enjoy just moving and creating patterns and Being. It makes my heart sing watching them.
The next day I had an interesting encounter with Sai Baba. In the kitchen farm, they have two pictures of Sai Baba. I was making tea for everyone, in front of one of Baba’s picture, and I was verbalising the fact that I don’t feel I work with Baba at all. Michael for instance, I can’t tell anymore where I end and he starts, he feels so much a part of me. Christ energy as well there is an immediate recognition when I call on it. But Baba, there is no recognition. Anyway, in this picture, Baba has this little smile and as I was talking, the smile just got broader. I literally rubbed my eyes, to make sure it was not an optical illusion and the smile just got broader. In my mind I said, “You are teasing me.” And do you know what he did? He winked at me. I retaliated by calling him “A nasty piece of work.” The smile just got broader. I turned to one of the others and asked if that picture often smiles. They responded by saying that it has happened once, to which I retorted, “make it twice”. Even as I am writing this, there is this awareness that we calmly breezed through this happening as a very common thing, everyday stuff, you know?
I wonder !!!!
Is it that these kinds of things become second nature? Or is it insulation, to maintain “sanity”? Or is it that a part of us knows, that this is the real stuff, and we are just as nimble at it as we are at breathing, eating and sleeping. Once we are fully awake!
That night, Friday night, I decided to sleep in one of the tipis (they have two).
This was a first for me. I must tell you that every time I approached the tipi, I was told to come through the one side, always. Even though going the other way, would be 20 steps shorter, it somehow did not feel appropriate.
I moved my bedclothes in there and at night lit a candle and smudged the space with sage. Got into bed, and into my head popped the words, “You must close the entrance flap”. I automatically asked why. After all, I had been sleeping under the oak tree without feeling the need for any protection whatsoever, even though there are spiders, snakes and leopards. The answer I got to my question was, “When you are in the tipi, they know exactly where you are, but if you stay outside in the dark, no one knows where you are”. I just had to follow this one with another question, “Who are they?” I was shown, like a movie, a sequence of events, where in an Indian village, every one that was in the tipis had been raped and or killed and the few that were outside, hiding behind bushes, had not been found and had survived.
I got up and closed the flap. Proceeded to chant to clear the space and myself from this flashback. Of what I wonder? Previous lifetime? Genetic memories? Soul Group memories recall? Who knows!
The next evening I was back under the oak tree.
Sunday (my last day there, this time) had arrived and I had not been to the mountains yet. I woke up before the sun came out behind the mountain, and lay there just listening to the silence. Afterwards as the insects started their dance and than the birds, I got up. The sun was still not out, but it was light enough to see where I was walking. Went for a quick swim in the rock pool, put my hiking shoes on, got some water and got on the way. My usual trick, clothes get left at the beginning of the trail and me and the dog set off. There is something that I have by now realised, when I am on my own, I never leave the trail or, I am always close enough to know where it is. My sense of orientation is definitely not the greatest, so there is this anxiety about getting lost. But what this means to me, is that I see rocks, places or things, that when I come back at another time I don’t see them again. Now, remember I never leave the trail, so how can that be?
Let me proceed with what happened next. I got to a waterfall and was told to step on to a rock next to it. I had the mountain right behind me and the other mountain right in front of me, which is at a very steep incline and where I was standing, is basically where the two mountains meet. You can actually feel the energy that rushes down the mountain to meet you at the base.
I was told to start chanting and my feelings told me to expect a release of energy from Gaia.
The whole time that I chanted, the dog accompanied me with his wolf howling, I then started to cry and he tried desperately to get on the ledge with me. I am glad he kept on slipping and did not manage since he is biggggg and I did not fancy myself being thrown off the ledge.
When I had spent myself, I was instructed to get up and continue down the path. At a place, where the space between the two mountains gets bigger, there was this quite tall rock and I was told to climb to the top. As I was looking for a way to climb up, I saw that another three smaller rocks, made a kind of natural stairway for me to climb. When I got to the top I just waited for instructions.
You may ask from whom? Myself? Michael? Sananda? Ashtar? A future self?
At this stage it does not matter anymore. It is as familiar as myself and there is always this knowledge that it is for the Highest Good. My Higher Self would not allow anything else. So Be It.
I was told that I was to chant and use my usual (by now) hand patterns and that I would be asked to turn into different directions and … to just go with it and have fun.
As I started chanting I could see that I was in the middle of an arena, with beings siting on steps all around me. I have had this before, but never a full 360 degrees arena have I been able to see. After chanting for quite a while, my voice kind of broke and I was aware of this other conversation that was going on between them and me on another level. I kind of got embarassed about my voice and giggled, to which I heard real, 3D laughter coming back to me. This is the second time that it has happened, being able to hear with my 3D ears, not just inside.
As I came to the end of the ritual I just stood there and this incredibly strong energy came through. This has happened before, where my body starts shaking like a leaf in the wind, so strongly that I actually squatted, feeling that I might just topple over. As I was squatting waiting for the shaking to pass, I lifted my head and looked at this stone in front of me. I could see it talking to me with my 3D eyes, but my 3D ears were not co-operating. I could not translate what it was saying to me. I could not pick it up with my mind either, since I was too engrossed in what my 3D eyes were seeing.
I eventually got up and decided to come down. This is when my biggest surprise came (mind you surprise is not really the word, since you seem to go into this space where everything is possible).
As I tried to step on to the first rock, I could not reach it, not because it was too far away but because, even tough I could see both the rock and the foot, they were both merging without connecting solidly. Quick thought flashed “How am I going to get out of here? Fly?”. My brain did not accept that, at that stage, so I kept on trying to make it (foot and rock), solid enough for me to use. Eventually I got down. The dog had not made a sound, throughout the entire proceedings. I sat down for a while and puzzled over what had just happened. Was my foot not solid anymore? Was the entire rock a hologram? Had an entire scene been brought to me, to satisfy my 3D body? Had I been transported elsewhere while all this occurred, maintaining the status quo enough, not to freak me out too much? A combination, all, or one of the above?????
Somehow I decided one day I will understand and maybe by then it won’t be important. I got up and started walking back to the farm. Only then it hit me. The humour of the situation and how much I have changed. There I stood, in my altogether, with only my hiking shoes and my long hair down my back for wear, with all those entities around me watching and listening. And all I had been embarassed about, was over my voice breaking like a teenager’s. Amazing!!!!!!!!!
Must watch out, whom I tell this to. There could be all sorts of reactions.
I left the farm with the kids back home and just continued with my everyday life.
I can never quite tell, whether I am still the same. Or is there more of me? And can others tell the difference?
What has changed?
Day still follows night.
Laughter still follows tears.
And my everyday life is still waiting for me and best of all, amazingly, I can still function on all those levels.